This week has been one of many articles, much story sharing, much attention that has led me back to the question: why do it? Why share with the world the most painful, intense, difficult, and messy part of my life? Why admit to having a disorder/addiction/problem/whatever you wanna call it that many may consider embarrassing and shameful? And I can tell you I didn’t have to think long about it, because sharing my story…sharing my journey…sharing my pain…makes all that I went through..it makes it all worth it…
I remember sitting in my therapist office at the very beginning of my recovery and sharing with her that one day I wanted to help others who struggled with Ed. At that point I had no idea how to even help myself. At that moment it was a wish, a dream, a small piece of hope that I held on to. All I knew at that moment was that if somehow, someway I could see the light and I could make it through the darkness, than I wanted to help others do it too. Believe me, I had no idea what it looked like and I couldn’t actually imagine actually being in a place where recovery meant freedom but today I am living in that freedom.
Fast forward a year later and I am blogging, speaking, advocating,networking, meeting, sharing, doing whatever I can to get the message of hope out there. I want people to know that Ed is real and he’s the worst “person” you could ever get into a relationship with but even more I want people to know that hope, that recovery is even more real and even more possible than you could ever imagine. At the end of the day my story is one of millions. I am one girl who had a relationship with Ed and decided to share. At the end of the day it’s not about me and it’s not about my own story. It is about the message of hope and the message of recovery…
I could have never imagined sharing my story with thousands. Being real, being honest, being open, and being imperfect were not things I knew how to do, but here I am today sharing all of that with all of you and it’s worth it more worth it than I could have ever dreamed. And the truth is, doing all of those things above are still difficult because I still am and will always be a work in progress. I still struggle, I still have bad days, I still get upset, my life is still far from perfect but that is OKAY.
I have said this many times before but my life today is beyond blessed and beyond beautiful; in the chaos, in the mess, in the imperfection it is beyond beautifully blessed. Even more than the incredible support that I received from those who love me the most, I have a God that led me through the darkness into the light. One of my favorite verses has become: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God”. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
So why do I blog? Why do I share? Why do I reach out? Because I received the ultimate comfort, the ultimate grace, the ultimate love. Now it’s my joy and even more a blessing to share that comfort, to share that hope, to share that grace, to share that love that is way bigger than me, that is way bigger than just my story. I hope my friend, that fills you with hope and you feel loved today, because that darkness doesn’t have to be there forever… and may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…
YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!
<3MK
